in early october, lauren and i went to the haystack mountain school of crafts in deer isle, maine, for a massart alumni retreat. we have a really great time, and i've posted some pictures on our flickr.

tonight was our first visit to the food bank farm for the season, where we have a share... greens galore!!!! it was fun... friends in the barn... picking herbs... watching the new chickens getting into trouble.

on the menu tonight... smashed potatoes with turnip, radish, and dandelion greens... inspired by sir Mark Bittman's recipe for ligurian something or other.

salad with oregano thyme dressing, and tofurkey sausage. of course paired with a lovely PBR and the Big Lebowski. Oh the joys of spring!

lauren and i recently spent a beautiful afternoon at tower hill in boylston, ma. here's just one picture of many we took with our phones.

it has to be the coldest day of the winter so far, and yet outside i hear what sounds like a spring bird. the bird is singing one note, five times, over and over again, separated by a few seconds. it switches to four times, then to six times, and always back to five.

as i've written this, the bird has stopped singing near my window. i like to imagine that he's flown off to another icy tree to make that same call to another circle of his voice's range. what's he saying? should i be listening?

on friday, i woke up early so i could leave my friend bill's apartment in harlem with him, to have a full day of new york exploration. i stayed up a little too late looking for cheap vegan restaurants on the internet and watching a very special episode of the fresh prince. (carlton has a gun, will gets him to part with gun, there are tears, etc.) (a note here, bill and his girlfriend becky are incredibly gracious hosts and were so nice to let me stay with them for 2 nights.)

i had about an hour to kill after getting off the B train at the natural history museum stop, so i hunkered down in a chain bagel shop called lenny's, with an everything bagel with tofu cream cheese (very pleasantly surprised there --- no green tabasco like at the green bean in northampton, however) and a small, surprisingly good coffee.

the entry fee for the natural history museum is a suggested donation of $15, so i took full advantage of the suggested aspect and paid $1. the highlight of the museum was definitely the small case of items from the people of the amazon rainforest. they knew their environment so intimately, and respected everything in it so deeply, that they flourished, growing their own food, paying respect to the animals they killed by using their bones, feathers, teeth, fur, etc to make various items and clothing. additionally, i really enjoyed a video about the evolutionary timeline. here's a me and a dinosaur (crappy cell phone pic):



after the natural history museum, i headed to a restaurant called curly's vegetarian lunch, on 14th st betw 1st and 2nd aves, i believe. their entirely vegetarian menu (where anything could be made vegan) had all kinds of things on it (in retrospect i wish i had ordered the chicken parmesan), but i ordered a burger and fries and a chocolate milkshake, all of which were great.

after that, i went to the museum of modern art (thanks dave g.). i've been somewhat recently, so i was really glad to find that there was a lot on display that i had never seen. i encountered a few artists whose names i wrote down, and was interested to find my tastes changing even more. one interesting installation they had on display was a video that covered all 3 walls of that huge space on the 2nd floor. the artist (whose name i have written down elsewhere) encouraged people to take their shoes off and sit/lay on a circular white rug (and the couches within) and "make new friends." here's a lousy phone-camera pic:



i mostly subsisted on bagels the rest of the time i was in new york, except for vegan sweet and sour seitan from tao palace in brooklyn (highly recommended!), which i ordered saturday night:



there are more things to say about this weekend in new york... feeling like it taught me a few things, about how really for the first time i can say 100% that i don't want to live here (though i do enjoy visiting), and other things, but i'll end here. i missed home quite a bit in that big strange city, and missed lauren deeply, and am so glad to be returning home to her in an hour or so. thanks for reading. to end, here's a little video from the union square subway station... waiting for the L train to brooklyn....

a piece of popcorn

lies flat on the persian rug

an immense sorrow

i'm in a room. the heat is on. the window is open. i hear rain. it's october and there's talk of snow and i'm not so opposed. i can see both orange and green leaves, at the tops of trees. the orange ones look fluorescent. on my desk, i see that my caffeine source has been depleted. there's a cello in the background. the internet is ablaze with words... my friends and family are revealing their innermost. last night i said to lauren, "i feel like the world is showing me a whole lot of things i don't want for my life right now." mostly don't's. not many do's. but it's encouraging. i wonder if maybe something i really do want is on the horizon. or at the bottom of some well i have to climb down. as i wrote that, i thought, "it sounds fun to climb down a well right now." i imagine that at the bottom of the well there is a short, cool tunnel, water dripping intermittently. at the end of the tunnel, a room with a fireplace, two plush, gilded red chairs, an unrealistic painting of a cow on the mantle. the wallpaper is gold. there is a giant window that looks out onto an orchard on which the sun is setting, slowly enough that i can open the window and some of the air is warm. i walk over to one of the chairs. lauren is there. she has been there, reading, for a long time. a cello is still in the background, just much further away. the notes are getting longer, broader. in the corner of the room, a refridgerator. an old white one. opening it, there is something i'll eat and something i'll drink. this is beginning to sound like a choose your own adventure book. i choose to eat the bowl of ice cream. turns out i decided incorrectly and i go spiraling into the air, legs and arms flailing, and i grab the chandelier but its arm snaps, and so i fly back to the small tunnel, shoved through, all knees and legs against wet gray stone, and back up the well, where i am tossed further, further, the sound of the cello getting closer, closer, until i'm back in the chair, my caffeine source depleted, the orange leaves glowing like the fireplace way, way below.

this summer while on the cape i thought seriously about getting a tattoo on my forearm of just the word "purpose." yesterday, i saw this:

"the highest purpose is to have no purpose at all. this puts one in accord with nature, in her manner of operation." - john cage

i think that's actually much closer to how i feel on the matter.

as i write this, lauren is in maine at haystack, and i miss her. i've been home alone the last few nights (working a pretty crappy job during the day; i can stomach it though, unlike this place, which i ran screaming out of... sort of), just listening to the red sox games, taking short walks, watching video podcasts of this guy....

...here i am sitting alone at home on this lovely and event filled summer evening... feeling sorry for myself - hopped up on probiotics and penicillin. 

vessel

5"x 3 3/4"
mixed media on paper

indecisive

4 1/2 x 6 1/4 "
watercolor collage

i'm off to the cape...provincetown, the national seashore, the secret beach with the parking lot that will put your car underwater if you park at high tide....

i'm looking forward to laying in the sun and swimming....and plan to do some little drawings while i'm there...we'll see what happens.

painting naturally happens in my life when i need it to. if i try to force it i just end up with exercises on paper...and i will brazenly and unapologetically say that at times it takes a backseat to being outside, working hard for good, and drinking. (just kidding )

sometimes i hole up and just paint for weeks on end... painting is always there...but this project is becoming more about discovering my natural process and pushing myself to be productive within it than conforming to a set schedule. i'm all about seting impossible goals for oneself though. interesting things happen when you try to meet them.


<3

the wheel

9 1/2 " x 7 1/2 "
mixed media on paper

sex sex sex

8 1/4" x 10 1/2"
collage

in a fierce competition between allen's ginger brandy and one small nyquil geltab, two chemicals fight for control of my body chemistry on the night of a cold or allergies or a horrid combination of the two. in this corner, a fine sweet brandy, mixed with ginger ale and ice in a glass, capable of destroying a man's focus as he tries to fuss around on the computer. in this corner, a small orange pill, its brethren known for their sleep-inducing properties, aiming to give the taker a high that, when combined with ginger brandy, makes the taker feel like the fuckin george jetson of orchard street in northampton... definitely in outer space....

for now, i'm just going to watch streaming episodes of the office... which is strange perhaps, considering this week i quite my horrible temp job....

stone
5"x 3 3/4"
mixed media on paper

(the upper image is a newer version of the same piece)




It has passed midnight,
I no longer wait for you,
Pining for sorrow.

Oh, dear, i overslept,
Wanting to see you in the dream.

(from Shui Shui, a linked verse by an anonymous court
lady and Yoshimine-no-Munesada, Japan, 816-890)

5"x 3 3/4"mixed media on paper

i like the idea and feeling behind this little painting....but i think it needs to be reworked. something about the green is not quite right. i decided to post it anyhow, because if i am going to share a apainting or drawing a day many of them will not be resolved. it will be a good exercise in humility, and might shed some light on my process.



<3

on saturday night i was closing a window and was stabbed. by the window!!! a piece of wood -- basically a massive badass splinter -- went in one side of my pinky and out the other. observe.



unfortunately you can't see it coming out the other side in this picture.

June 9th

phone bird
9 1/2 " x 7 1/2 "
mixed media on paper

i should change the name of this project to " a painting a day - unless i'm doing something else."

anyhow i'm back from the wilderness... somewhat reluctantly. it was an inspiring, challenging, changing experience. i had planned to do some drawings while i was away... but i got caught up doing silly little things like hiking up 4000 ft mountains, finding water, hoisting bear bags up into trees and such...

it really does take a sedentary agricultural society to create art....which do i prefer? a bit of a toss up honestly.

i'll write more about it soon.

You'll notice that I've been remiss in posting new images for the past day or so. I just wanted to let you know that I have been completely absorbed with a training I'm going in tomorrow.  It's with Y.O.P (youth opportunities program) through the Appalachian Mountain Club. I'll be spending 5 days backpacking in the white mountains.... I love playing in the wilderness...but 5 days with only what i can carry on my back, with a group of total strangers is a bit daunting prospect... 

lips like a blurred dawn (the last time i will miss you)
9 1/2"x 7 1/2"
mixed media on paper

cross
9 1/2" x 7 1/2 "
mixed media on paper

...this is a small painting that i reworked (finished) yesterday. i've had it hanging around for a long long time but never really cared for it. i like it better now. its hard for me to tell when
things are finished. sometimes it just takes me walking away...coming back a few hours later and adding a splotch. sometimes they lurk around for months....

i'm always wary of over working things...which i usually do. but i prefer complex, deep surfaces...and if that comes at the risk of painting something to death...oh well.

in an effort to be more prolific, i'm going to try to post a painting or drawing a day for the next few months. you can see them here or on my facebook.

send me an angry email if i don't keep up. here are a few recent(ish) paintings to give you an idea of what to expect.

<3 lauren